HI

So, I was thinking,

and I realised that no matter what I do in life, I want to be known. I'm an attention whore like that. I can't stand not being noticed. ._.

I feel like shit.

Seriously. I'm either shivering like mental, or really hot and I keep having these headaches, wtf is wrong with me? .__.

Most people are most affraid of what they don't know

Like, how they don't know what people will think of them if they share something about themselves, they don't know if the person will understand or not, and that's scary. For example, you are ill in hospital and the doctors don't know what the illness is, you're afraid of how bad it turns out to be and by doing so, you expect the worst and dread the results. It may just be a simple cold. Everyone comes to a time when they worry what people will think of them and there is always going to be someone who hates you for who you are, and a part of who you are is how you battle the fucktards. Hate is not biologically ingrained in people. They hate out of ignorance, not being able to understand and how they were brought up. So yeah, be yourself and be happy about it. :]

"Thank you mother fucking nature."

I think I might be...


Ever have something to say but no matter what you do you can't come out with it? Yeah. Feel like that right about now. It's not the realisation as much as the guilt, either.

So...

It has been a while!

To say the least. Every day I come on Blogger, see this blog lying untouched, and think 'eh, I'll post tomorrow'. I never do, obviously. I'm not sure what it is, I just can't give myself motivation to write. Today though, I came on Blogger and saw that Ro blogged. This made me feel guilty. Like I should've too. So I am. Right now.

Yeah man.

My new favorite word?

Widget

Ahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahah xD

The funny thing is,

I always thought I knew who I wanted to be. Up until a few days ago, I was dead set on my future. I had everything planned out and sorted. I thought I knew where I was going; who I wanted to be. But then I realised I have no fucking idea.

When I was very little, it was an artist.

Then, it was a writer.

Now? Now all I want is to be pretty.

Keep dreaming sweetheart. ♥

Help will always be given at Hogwarts, to those who deserve it

❤

1) I can't go a day without being called emo at least sixty bajillion times.
The bastards these days pick out every little difference someone has and tears it apart, they can't accept that there is someone out there who doesn't have their style just because it's what everyone else goes for, you're an individual and there are few people in this world who can see the beauty of individuality but regardless of who likes it, it will always win.
2) I've realised that popularity is the only thing that matters in this world.
It's much better to have a few close, trustworthy friends than hundreds who would knock you down with a batter of an eyelid.
There will be a time when their popularity will fail them, I promise.
3) It doesn't look like I'm going to have a career in the near future/ever.
Of course you will, they'll be stuck behind a till in McDonalds while your living it up, doing whatever you put your mind to because that is what you deserve.
4) The only person that understood me a little now hates my living guts.
Look a little closer, there was always more than one
5) I listen to this song (click) almost every day and cry and cry and cry.
Your allowed to cry, you can be strong tomorrow❤
6) My parents have reached new heights of favouritism and ignorance.
They love you just as much, you just feel differently because you think everything else is falling down beneath you, they will always be there for you.
7) TC is becoming a less important part of my life as the months go by.
For a lot of people, and you, TC is a safety place, I know it was for me, you'll need it less and less every day but you'll always need the special few who made it safest.
8) I feel like no-one understands me and no-one cares enough to try to.
People talk about their friends in RL and then their friends in TC, well it may be online but that doesen't make the people any less real, I know I always at least try to understand and 9 times out of 10 I always will
9) I'm having suicidal thoughts all the time, then nightmares all night long.
I know what you're going through, you just need some kind of release, weather it's talking to someone about it or doing something that brings you back to a time where those kind of thoughts never entered your head.
10) Writing and playing music are my only two escapes at the moment.
Ahh, same tbh :L

Let's update, shall we?

1) I can't go a day without being called emo at least sixty bajillion times.
2) I've realised that popularity is the only thing that matters in this world.
3) It doesn't look like I'm going to have a career in the near future/ever.
4) The only person that understood me a little now hates my living guts.
5) I listen to this song (click) almost every day and cry and cry and cry.
6) My parents have reached new heights of favouritism and ignorance.
7) TC is becoming a less important part of my life as the months go by.
8) I feel like no-one understands me and no-one cares enough to try to.
9) I'm having suicidal thoughts all the time, then nightmares all night long.
10) Writing and playing music are my only two escapes at the moment.

And that sums up my miserable life right now.

People call me emo

But 'm not

I think of them as sluts but what if he same rules apply and they're actually just popular people who date a lot?

I never realised,

how difficult it would be to be deaf. :-/

I just had a hotdog

I FEEL SO SICK D:

Just thought you should know :3

Sports Day... oh the horror! :O

I. Hate. Sports.

I'm in the paper!

Well I'M not but something I wrote is.
I sent a letter to the editor about the live animal exports that are going to start soon by my town and she put it in ^_^

Woop woop!

Geography lesson time ;;D

Now, assuming you have one, get out your map of England.
Now look down to the bottom.
See the right-hand side, right down the bottom, see the random un-needed shitty bit poking out the side? Thats Kent!
So. I live in the chavvy-seaside-town Margate in Kent.
In year six, everyone in Kent is asked if they would like to do the Kent Test or "11+" it involves three sections, maths, english and then there's an all-round-thingy with multiple choice questions, I think you have to get to like 400-odd marks to pass but I'll get to that in a sec.
So the last quarter of year six is devoted to pissing around and preparing for the kent test. It was very strict and at the official exam days head teachers had to switch schools to make sure no one cheated.
The idea is that if you 'pass' you get the option to go to a grammar school, it's different to normal schools because OFSTED don't come, we get HMI instead which is her majesties inspector, other schools get that too sometimes but they get OFSTED too. The Grammar schools are completely funded by the government. I go to Dane Court Grammar School, it's alright :L
Don't get me wrong, grammar schools are definitely not full of bods, we still have the really anoying people who always say stupid stuff and you just want to shoot them in the head, and of course being in thanet we have A LOT OF CHAVS AND WHORES.
SO the 11+ used to be all round England but we're a bit slow. :3
I didn't have any reason to share this tbqh apart from the fact that I think the kent test is a load of bullshit and grammar schools are stuck up bastards. If you get 7 or less in a test out of 10 then you have to do a retest and if you get a C your looked down on so fucking much and love, I put the D in Drama :]

For the past three days,

my friends have been asking almost non-stop, 'what's wrong', 'you look like you're about to cry' and 'are you alright'. I contemplated this after I posted my last entry, thinking about all the things that could of upset me over the past few days. And then, then I realised. Why am I upset? My guard is down. I've stopped putting on the silly happy smiles and the laughter.
It's not that I'm upset, it's that I'm finally showing my friends who I really am and how I really feel, and instead of trying to make me feel better, all they're doing is nagging me and irritating me to the point where I snap at them for the slightest thing. They think it's my time of the month and that I'm being a bitch for no reason. In reality, I'm just sending out signals that they aren't picking up.
People laugh about the amount of friends I have with the last name 'Stardoll' on Facebook, assuming I've met these people online. It's true, of course. I do meet a lot of people online. Heck, I met Ro - who I consider to be one of the greatest friends I have - on Stardoll. The thing is, I trust the people I've never met more than the ones I have because they get me. They have no way of being fake or back-stabbing because it's just us two against the world. There's no-one for them to back-stab me with.
Even my parents, the people that are supposed to know me better than I know myself, can't see anything's wrong. Heck, if they did I would be worried. They see nothing. They know nothing. I'm their little angel that turns into a total cow the minute the house leaves my sight. And it worries me. It makes me feel like I'm the only one that has these problems. But I'm not. I can't be.
I'm going to finish this post on a lie - okay? Here is the biggest lie, a photo of my hand that I've been showing people for the last three days...

I was a bitch today.

Seriously, I've never been in a worse mood. I even wrote i'mok! on my hand because people kept asking me what was wrong every two seconds. Know that feeling when you want to rip every single person that even speaks to you's head off? It was like that times ten. I felt like a walking bomb with three seconds until I exploded all day, which, for the record, is an absolutely crap feeling.
The weirdest thing is, I don't even know why I was angry. It's not like there's anything happening in my life that's interesting enough to cause stress or whatever. I mean, jeez, I don't do any work at school or home! I guess it's just karma deciding I've had too much good luck with my friendships recently and that it needs to break off all my ties before I actually get some real friends.
Whatever. Keep calm and become a pirate, eh Ro?